Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Week 8 Update and the not so desirable aspects of surrogacy

The baby has been growing for 6 weeks now and s/he started off as about 20 cells and is now the size of a raspberry.  Amazingly the baby will continue to grow at about a millimeter a day and looks more like a baby and less like a salamander.  I only have 32 weeks to go left of this pregnancy and only 4 more weeks of this stinking medicine!! 

This week I have experienced my first craving.  Salt and Pepper.  Really?  It can't be something fun like fruit or candy?  No it is salt and pepper.  I have been eating cucumbers everyday and putting salt and pepper on those, then taking the last few cucumbers and dragging them across the plate to get the left over salt and pepper.  When we were at Chick-Fil-A last week, I had a salad for dinner.  When I was up getting condiments, I smelled the black pepper through the packets and had to have it on my fries and salad!! 

While people think about the warm and fuzzies of surrogacy, I think many times they see the beauty (or money in some cases!) and don't realize that there is an ugly side too!

Here are some examples of the less desirable parts of surrogacy:

  • No sex now for 16 weeks.  That means nothing in the vagina except medication for 16 weeks.  I was joking with my IM the other day about this and she said to get creative.  That brings me to my next point.
  • Vaginal suppositories are no picnic.  One of my surro friends will not work with a clinic that uses vaginal suppositories.  The progesterone suppositories are the size of quarters and I have to do 3 of these a day. Gravity sucks and what goes in, sometimes comes out... A lot of oozy white mess.  Kinda hard to be 'creative' in the relations department when you have that going on down there... At least my husband is serviced.  Even worse when you are wearing a black bathing suit bottom at the beach and of course no panty liner... more bonus points when its Memorial Day Weekend and the beach is crowded and there is no TP in the bathhouse either DOH!
  • Pantyliners for 14 weeks during hot summer and while running sucks and its smelly.  I constantly smell like sweat.  Yuck!! I never wear pads/panty liners any other time but the constant oozing requires it.
  • The constant oozing has me running to the bathroom multiple times a day just knowing that I started severely bleeding.  It is never blood, but I am constantly worried that it is.  
  • Compensation-- Sometimes you don't get compensated until you are nearly in the second trimester.  Compensation is a touchy subject for most-- some people get a lot of money, some don't get compensated at all.  Some people start compensation at beta (I recommend this if you are being compensated or at least splitting the comp between beta and heartbeat because in the event that there is a miscarriage, then the surrogate is still compensated for the time she was pregnant and taking the medications because go back to the top-- medications suck!)
  • When making appointments, you are not the only person whose schedule must be considered.  Intended parents want to be there as much as you need to be there.  Sometimes it means changing your own schedule so that IPs can attend an appointment.  Considerations most don't think about when signing that contract...
  • Speaking of contracts, there are many things I am not allowed to do according to my contract.  Get dental cleaning in the first trimester, eat queso at Mexican restaurants, no manicures or pedicures, no lunch meat, no soft cheese, and darn it, I cannot change the kitty litter (most of these my IM said -- meh, it was in the standard contract, if my baby wants queso, give the baby queso!
While I just highlighted a half a dozen negative aspects of surrogacy, none of the negate the happy outcome of the journey itself.   The journey to get to the end result is beautiful, the scenery and the experience amazing, even if there are a few pot holes or wrong turns along the way.

As an update to the baby, we will be having another ultrasound next Wednesday, June 4 which is also my son's 4th Birthday <3 Wish us luck, prayers, good grow baby vibes-- whatever you've got!  We are hoping to see a nice strong heartbeat for this baby because the fetal pole was barely visible (if at all) at the last ultrasound.  At the time of the first ultrasound, we were 6w6d pg and the next one we will be 9w1d pg.  So we need good vibes! 

Monday, May 19, 2014

I will feel better when...

This is an ongoing thing.  I am not sure if it is surrogacy specific, but it seems to be worse in surrogate pregnancy.  This little saying goes a little something like this:

  • I will feel better when we find out the quality of the embryos after the thaw.
  • I will feel better when I get my first positive pregnancy test.
  • I will feel better when the lines get darker.
  • I will feel better when the test line gets as dark as the control line.
  • I will feel better when I have a positive normal beta.
  • I will feel better when I have a beta with a doubling time of 48 hours.
  • I will feel better when I see the baby on ultrasound.
  • I will feel better when I see the baby's heartbeat on ultrasound.
  • I will feel better when I make it out of the first trimester.
  • I will feel better when everything looks normal on the anatomy scan.
  • I will feel better when I make it to viability.
  • I will feel better when I make it to 32 weeks because the baby has an excellent chance of being healthy.
  • I will feel better when baby reaches full term.
  • I will feel better when the baby is born safely and into his or her mother & father's arms.
  • I will feel better when the baby is released from the hospital to go home.
  • I will feel better when I have enough milk that the family has a nice stash.

Does the worrying ever end?  The family has invested so many emotions and money into ME, into MY womb and I will just feel better when the baby gets here.  I never thought about these things with my own pregnancy.  You lose your own baby and its sad, its hard, but its a personal and intimate thing between you and your husband/partner.  You lose the baby of a surrogacy and you have added more people into that intimate circle-- not in a bad way, but you definitely have more people that can feel hurt or people that you feel that you let down.

Today was our ultrasound-- That is where all of this is stemming from.  My intended mother texted me yesterday from the urgent care clinic where she was just diagnosed with a double ear infection and a sinus infection.  She still wanted to come down for the appointment to see her baby, but she would need her mom to drive the 4 hours to my town.  She wanted to know the name of a hotel close by but I would not have that!  I love spending time with her (and her mom too!) so I opened my house to them and I am so glad I did.  We sat around the kitchen table last night and talked for hours.  My IM is a military brat herself, her dad was career AF and mom served in the Navy for several years.  It was nice talking to her mom about how things are now for spouses and how they used to be.  We could have talked for even longer but we decided to go to bed around 10.

This morning once they got up (they both got to sleep in and it was well deserved since IM chases preschool twin boys all day!), we went to breakfast where she gave me this beautiful, sentimental necklace for my birthday/Mother's Day.  



In the card it spoke of how she appreciated that I was making her a mama bird of three babies just like I was a mama bird of three babies.  I just Love this necklace!!  

We went over to base and we all went into the ultrasound room.  That meant that Surrogate, Mom and Grandma all got to see first peek at baby!  When they did the ultrasound, they found ONE little baby in the uterus. My left ovary was angry with a cyst larger than an inch on it.  The sac was there with the yolk and a tiny little fetal pole.  The sac was measuring 6w0d.  We are currently 6w6d.  The tech said that usually this early, the sac measures 4-7 days small because there is a certain degree of inaccuracy with measuring it since it is so tiny.  I have to go back in a couple weeks to get another ultrasound so we can measure the heartbeat at that time since it is so early. 


These are photos of the sac and in the photo on the left, the little circle in the sac beside the other circle is the fetal pole.  The other larger circle inside the sac is the yolk.  The other one is a slightly zoomed out photo of the sac and the yolk inside of it.

Right now we will continue to be cautiously optimistic and send lots of GROW BABY GROW vibes!!


After my IM and her mom left, I went and took a nap with my husband who got off of work early!  Then got Leah off of the bus and Kurt went and got the little kids from daycare.  When I was sitting on the couch working on school work, the babysitter walked in and I was confused because I hadn't booked her.  Well my husband did for an early birthday dinner!  He took me to Chili's then Target to get my estrogen refilled.  Finally he took me to Lane Bryant to get some new bras because when I lost weight, I lost boobs.  I am happy to say I am a 35DD which makes it really hard to find bras, but I was able to order some from Lane Bryant in 36DD-- Their bras are THE BEST!!  I love them and I am sad that all of my 36DDD and Es are too big for me now...



Tuesday, May 13, 2014

6wks and cue the nausea!

We are 6 wks today.  After a bit of a roller coaster with the hospital, we finally have an u/s appt set up!  I have permission to deliver at Naval but some turd had a superiority complex and wanted to verify over and over if I was 'eligible' since I was a surrogate and they wanted to know who was footing this bill.  This guy is merely the person who makes the appointments for the OB department and I only need ONE appt there because my PCM will continue care after this one ultrasound that the RE requires... Needless to say, the person in charge of OIC billing gave me the approval and has our contract on file and she went ahead and called the OB turd and got the wheels spinning!  We now have an appt set up for Monday at 1150 for dating!  So excited!!  Only M can make this trip due to S's work obligations but that's okay-- many more appointments for him to come to and he will be able to see a photo of his baby growing!

This morning I experienced my first bout of nausea.  I am COMPLETELY convinced that sleep quality directly impacts intensity of morning sickness.  Too bad its not MORNING sickness for me but instead, all day sickness.  I woke up feeling shaky, dizzy and flat out nauseous but that didn't stop at morning, it continued... ALL day.  Add to that, sweating like I am having hot flashes in menopause and I was miserable.  It was because Piper was up many times lastnight for extended periods.  My sleep quality was nil and I totally felt it today!


Thursday, May 8, 2014

Beta Number 2 and 5w2d update

So I am running a bit behind with updating but we had our second beta on Monday.  The way this works is the faster the doubling rate, the more of a chance of multiples, the longer the doubling, it is more indicative of a pregnancy in peril such as a chemical pregnancy.  So the normal beta doubling rates for a healthy singleton is 48-72 hours.  Our doubling rate was 49.37 so we have a normal, boring doubling number which is FANTASTIC!  I need to schedule my ultrasound for 7 weeks but I have to wait for the referral to go through.  Other notes are that my estrogen is 722 (on the high end of normal so it is no wonder I am having headaches.)  My progesterone is also good at 39.5.  They won't change my meds or lower them until after my ultrasound. 


I thought it might be fun to update weekly or monthly with the current size of the baby and what is going on with the baby this week/month.  Currently their baby is starting to grow its heart the heart will be divided into 4 chambers by the end of this week.  Pretty awesome feat if you ask me.  Luckily I have not experienced nausea... YET, but according to babycenter, that should start in the upcoming weeks... swell.  I had the worst nausea from pretty much conception to 22 wks with piper resulting in only an 8 lb gain from conception to week 39.  Then I put another 8 lbs of water weight on!! I am hoping to avoid that mess this time around!  The only real symptoms I am feeling is extreme fatigue which was unfortunate these past two weeks with my midterms last week and a ton of writing this week.  I also am getting shaky between meals so I have to eat a little something every 2 hours.  Its funny how quickly our bodies change when when we get pregnant.  Finally.... pee pee pee pee pee!!  And not on sticks anymore.  I peed on 90 of those this cylce in case you were wondering!  
  
Just a little glimpse of the insides so you can see how small the baby is inside the uterus.  I love these images from babycenter!  The placenta is starting to develop this week too!  Pretty soon it will take over and start producing the hormones that I am taking to sustain pregnancy.  Usually you are done with those by 12 weeks!  I will be so happy to be done with the headaches and also done with the ooey gooey goopy mess in my undies!!  I won't miss having to wear panty liners 24/7!!  

Will try to update next week!!  Hopefully with an ultrasound date, maybe even I will set the appointment up by tomorrow!