This is a story that started 6 years ago! Read along and see how it ends!
So, the day before transfer, I think "Hey, Maybe I should start the blog I have been meaning to start over the last month!" Blogging is a great way for us to keep a journal that the IM can print when the baby gets here to share the journey in a raw way when she tells the story of how the baby came to be.
For those of you who may not know, let me give you a little run down of some terms I might use before you are lost in translation.
I am a GS (Gestational Surrogate-- my uterus is going to grow a baby that is genetically unrelated to me)
IM- Intended Mother -- AKA Baby mama
IF- Intended Father -- AKA Baby Daddy
5 day transfer - Egg met sperm and for 5 days, they grew into an embryo in a petri dish then they were frozen.
__dp5dt -- Insert any number in the blank and that is how many days I am past a 5 day transfer. For those of you that know about ovulation, you add the 5 plus the number in the blank to get the dpo (days past ovulation). Really the only important thing this is for is using pregnancy tests-- Like 'This test is from 5dp5dt which would be 10dpo. Get it? Umm if not, that's okay-- just look at pretty pee sticks with me!
Just as a little background for what a surrogate goes through... Just from a medical and legal standpoint (more about our relationship in a bit). Prior to transfer, there is a lot of leg work that goes into being a surrogate. This is just a basic list, there are some other things that I am obviously leaving out like psych testing and the like.
1. First you have to meet a couple either through an agency or through an independent journey. M&S and myself are doing an independent journey meaning we don't have an agency as a liaison between us... We discuss all of our wants, needs, money between us without the middle person.
2. Then you have to agree on some topics that no one wants to think about-- selective reduction, what to do in the case of a deformity or anomaly incompatible with life for the baby, money (whether it is compensation or even just how much to reimburse a babysitter for child care during bedrest).
3. Then you have to go to the clinic and have some testing done-- go through medical records, have some testing done on your uterus (Imagine a speculum, weenie wand and a syringe full of saline all in your vagina at once! Not for the faint of heart!)
4. Contract writing time-- sometimes the most frustrating part of the process and not because you don't agree on things, but because it is the hurry up and wait part of the process. Even a good attorney can get things wrong in their blanket contract so having to go back and forth for weeks while rushing to get it done in time for a transfer is nerve wracking! Sometimes there are weird things in your contract like you can't use sun tan lotion or bug spray while pregnant or things like no queso from Mexican restaurants.
5. Medications start! For me, my medications included estrogen orally twice a day from CD2 (Cycle day 2-- the second day of your period) until about 10-12 weeks pregnant, Progesterone vaginal suppositories three times a day from CD 15 until 10-12 weeks pregnant, a whopping dose of steroids starting 3 days before transfer and continuing until night of transfer, antibiotics twice a day 2 days before transfer and continuing until the day after transfer and then valium the day of transfer.
6. From the time medications start, you have to have more testing done-- 3 vaginal ultrasounds to measure the lining of your uterus to make sure its nice and fluffy for an embyro to snuggle in for 9 months. Also blood work to make sure you aren't ovulating and other FDA testing including HIV and Hep.
7. Finally comes the chance to get pregnant. For the transfer (I will have more info on this tomorrow since this is my first time doing GS), you go into the clinic and with an ultrasound, they guide the embryo into your uterus and hopefully the embryo thinks its a nice place to hang out and grow for about 9 months!
So there you have it, the logistics of surrogacy. I have had many people ask me about how it all works, so hopefully that simplifies it for my friends who don't know much about surrogacy!
So more about my journey and the process that we have been down. Six years ago when my oldest daughter was just a baby, I decided I wanted to be a surrogate! I met M&S at that time and together, we embarked on a journey to have a baby for them. At the time, I was a traditional surrogate and we were using my egg and IF's sperm through insemination. We got pregnant the first month after the court proceedings and we were all very excited.
The first ultrasound was memorable when M&S were able to see their first baby's heartbeat thumping away on the ultrasound monitor. As soon as they left the room for me to get redressed, the doctor asked me "Are you sure the dates are right for conception because the baby is measuring small." That put up some red flags for me and I was nervous because I knew that something was wrong. I requested another ultrasound the next week to recheck growth and unfortunately, the baby had stopped growing the prior week, likely right after we had seen the first ultrasound. I still remember the date-- the 5th of May-- Cinco de Mayo. I had to go home and get my husband to take me back to the hospital for a D&C. It was heartbreaking for everyone. After we gathered ourselves back up, we all decided to take a break from surrogacy.
I continued my family and got pregnant with my son later that year in September and that pregnancy was completely normal. I remained in contact with M the whole time between our journey and the recent months. We saw each other a couple of times and she was blessed with another surrogate that carried her twin boys so by the grace of God, she was able to become a mother and I am so grateful for that! At various times M would ask if I knew of any surrogates in her area because she was ready to embark on this journey again to make her boys big brothers!
I was matched with a fantastic couple and we were planning on moving forward but we just couldn't get insurance issues resolved in a way that we all felt comfortable so we parted ways. At the end of January, M asked me again if I knew of anyone in her area. I really wanted to offer, but I am 4 hours away from them. I thought on it, talked to my husband and finally, I offered! So from the end of January until now, we have been able to get all of our ducks in a row and we are transferring tomorrow.
I am so lucky that we have gotten to come full circle and once again try to complete this journey together. We have always been a great pair when working together so I look forward to the next year working with M&S and their big guys!
PS-- In the future, I will unveil who my IPs are. They are waiting until we are safely in the second trimester then they too will be shouting it from the roof tops! Maybe we could even co-blog together so you can get perspectives from both sides! If you know who they are, please don't mention their names here or anywhere else publicly! *hugs*
