Running runs through my heads, through my veins, in my heart. It is not something I expect someone to understand who has never done it. It is a team sport and an individual sport. How can that be? I am an individual that competes against myself with the team of Stroller Warriors behind me. It has changed me. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Running seems like it is just cardio. How could anyone like it let alone love it?
I felt that way at this time last year when I started my journey placing one foot in front of the other. My feet smacking the pavement became cadence in my head. It became therapeutic to get out there and try to complete my goal of the day. Even more therapeutic when I actually accomplished my goal and did better than anticipated. So many times I just didn't want to go out and just going out there and moving was my whole goal. I hated every minute about running on those days. I was elated when I was done. But not because I was finished running but that I did it at all. Running helped me to lose 55 lbs -- weight that if I did not lose, I would not have been qualified to be a surrogate by most Reproductive Endocrinologists.
Running is one of the few sports/activities that you can actively and repeatedly get better and see results. Today I ran a little further. Maybe a little faster. Maybe I ran a little bit further than I did without having to walk. Maybe I did one mile at a faster pace than yesterday. Maybe 3 miles at a faster pace than I have ever done. Maybe my overall pace was faster than I usually run. My point is there is always room for improvement and you can always see that improvement. When you have a bad run, you run again tomorrow and try to hit your goal once again. You never fail at running unless you just don't get out there.
You're wondering how any of this has to do with surrogacy aren't you? Why would I put this on a blog that is seemingly about surrogacy? Well today my IM texted me about our upcoming cycle. If I started my period this week, there was a chance for an embryo transfer in July before the clinic closes for the FDA cleaning/inventory for the month of August. Then I would be doing a transfer just about 6 weeks after the loss/D&C. I have been training for a half marathon and had my goals for my first half marathon (13.1 miles for all of you non runners!) to be on September 20 for the Marine Corps Half aboard Camp Lejeune.
Last year when my running journey started, I wanted to quit so many times. I just thought I was never going to be able to run a mile straight. 13.1 was unfathomable. I ran my first race (a 10k-- 6.2 miles) in October but my first experience with races was at the Marine Corps Half -- I stood out there and rooted on my sister Stroller Warriors at mile 11 of the race. I was that little bit of incentive for them to keep going when they wanted to quit so close to the end. I have been waiting for *this* race to be my first half-- I have run a 10 mile race, but I wanted to reach out and grasp that extra 3 miles!
With that being said, it is a HUGE goal of mine to get that half run and I wanted to run it this year. But sometimes dreams and goals evolve and change. Surrogacy has been a dream of mine for 6 years. Lord knows I have taken every fork in the road, hit every speed bump in forward and reverse and taken the off beaten paths (through the woods, through the creek, climbed every mountain-- even the ones I didn't have to) but hey-- I am still in this 'race' of surrogacy and I am going to see this one through-- all the way to the finish line.
Since this is more of a 'time is of the essence' goal, I am postponing my half. I can't risk paying to register for it and be on bedrest or not fully prepared for the race. I plan to find another race at the end of October or sometime in November. That should be plenty of time to get ready after a transfer and if everything goes smoothly this time, I will have a mini-warrior on board for my first half-- That baby will be well traveled! Mom and dad will need to get a baby carrier and go run laps around the block to get the baby to sleep at night!
I am still sad that I won't be able to run the Marine Corps Half, but I will be out there rooting on the Stroller Warriors, maybe even run a couple miles with those who need some moving support. Its a change in my direction, but I am still going towards the finish line....
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