Crazy-- But not certifiably so...

So here it is-- in all surrogate glory-- the pee sticks.  Go ahead... scroll down past them for an explanation-- as if you actually need one!!

 

 Feel like maybe I am crazy?  I assure you I am not... well not because of this at least.  I also had a psych eval as part of my surrogacy screening process and they said I didn't have psychotic tendancies.  I wonder if a psychologist would pass a surrogate in an eval if he or she knew about this obsession.  After all, obsessions are bad right?

All of the pictures above are screenshots of my camera roll on my phone from about 4 days worth of photos-- most of which are pee sticks... obsessing, changing the colors to see if the line I think I see is really there and sending it to other friends to see if they see it too... 

If you have ever TTC your own with problems or have been a surrogate, chances are, you are shaking your head at this saying 'Been there, done that!'  Everyone else just thinks I have a problem.  I assure you its a 'normal' problem. 

 

This is all of the tests from this cycle... yes, a little obsessive compulsive with the labeling of them too.  Only 34 on this cycle-- But hey, that was really good considering I had 115 pee sticks in my closet to use up :)

Sadly, today we had news that our beta was negative so even though everything looked great on this cycle, we didn't get pregnant.  Onward and upward to the next cycle.  I go off of meds immediately and should be starting my next cycle and the meds again on the second day of my period.  Then from there we will do more ultrasounds, more blood tests and transfer again sometime about 2.5-3 wks from now hopefully!

My IM had a birthday this week and I wanted so bad to be able to surprise her with a positive test, but alas, it wasn't in the cards.  She gets to go on a girls trip this weekend so hopefully that will raise her spirit so we can dust ourselves off and get right back into that saddle!  

Also this cycle, since they have 18 embryos left on ice, she is going to request that they thaw 2-3 embryos and have them put the best quality embryo in so that hopefully we will have more than a 'fair' quality embryo transferred this time!

Ciao bellas-- Hopefully I have some positive news coming soon~!

*** I forgot this important part about why surrogates use so many pee sticks.  The average woman doesn't use a pee stick until their period is late or at the earliest, just a couple days before their period is due so most of the time, one pee stick is sufficient.  When you know the precise moment that you conceived, and you know when you *could* potentially get a positive test, you want to know the first possible moment when it is positive!!   The 2 week wait is is much shorter for IVF because when they put the embryo in, you have already passed ovulation by 3-6 days so your two week wait becomes more like a 4-6 day wait!  There is a lot of peeing that can happen in those few days... you can't waste pee in the toilet, you must pee in a cup and dip a test every.single.time!